So far today I've hadddddd...

Toast - 200 calories
Yogurt - 100 calories
Slurpee - 160 calories
Snack Pack - 140 calories
Hummus and pretzels - 150 calories
Total: 900 calories


Still a lot but eh...I have another 100 or so for later. I'll probably have a Kashi bar. It's my nephew's birthday. I HATE BIRTHDAYS stupid fucking birthday cake :[

Sorry for the short update, just wanted to write down what I ate before I forgot

Ciao! c: 

So basically if I'm a bully to my sister, it keeps her from buying shitty junk food...like, she stopped by Dunkin Donuts and was getting a bagel twist or something, so she said "I should get a dozen donuts!" and despite me being really stoned I was like NO DON'T DO IT. So as soon as I said to not do it she listened to me...but when I'm apathetic she buys whatever. I feel bad being a bitch but I HATE her buying shitty food and putting it in the house...so, I'm happy there isn't any right now :D

I dunno when I'm moving into my new place for realsies...sometime before the end of the month for sure! We're getting the internet/cable hooked up on the 19th, so any time after that I can stay there :]

This fall is going to be bitchin'. School, gym, homework, work, sleep. That'll pretty much be my schedule every day :D and it's hilarious how I'm looking forward to that. I'm also working on adding a major: Journalism! Specifically broadcast journalism. I really feel passionate about this, and I'm also keeping my Russian major, so I probably won't graduate for a while now roflz. Oh well, as long as I'm happy when I graduate it's all the same to me. 

I wish I had more to say...I don't have much going on these days. I just need to find a car, and secure a job for this fall, and all of my summer goals will be taken care of! :D

I know I'm losing weight, my knuckles are sticking out of my hands :] 
I'm going out tonight to get the keys to my new townhouse. I'm so excited!! I get my own room, it's a moderate size, for 495/month+util. SO CHEAP. So I will be very very happy when I get settled into the new place. 
So far today I've had a bagel, water, a little bit of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and a subway sub (veggie delight on wheat) so I'm more than good for the day...even if I eat kinda shitty, I find that if I just eat the first half of the day and don't eat the second half, then it's okay! I'm really getting used to eating a LOT less than I used to, when I can get back to feeling full on 800 calories a day I will be SO happy! I'm doing a lot better about not eating sweets too...I just need to keep on working on my night eating, I smoke at night and as soon as the munchies hit it's awful. I'm trying to distract myself with movies or studying though, so I get sleepy and go to bed before I can binge...hopefully I get better at it soon!
I also think I found a really great car I'm interested in buying, I think I'm going to go check it out on Wednesday morning, it's a 1994 honda accord, 125k miles, original owner is the one selling it...They're asking for $2,000, but I'm going to get an inspection first, maybe talk them down to $1,800 if I pay for the inspection myself...that'd make me very happy :)
Ahhhh I'm so excited, lots of things are working in my favor now. Hopefully things continue going this way and don't go downhill, I get so depressed and unmotivated when things go downhill...
My sister has a psychiatrist who will write your prescriptions for whatever you ask if you give him some money...so, I'm going to try to get a prescription for 30mg adderall/day...he only asks for like $20, and he has the hots for my sister so I don't even know if he'll charge me...ahhh I love adderall SO much. I miss it SO much. It makes me so happy, energetic, my appetite goes completely and I lose a lot of weight...nyahhh so excited!
Is it the fall yet? I am looking forward to the fall semester a lot :) I'm just going to miss my brother a lot. He goes to Los Angeles for school...I want him to live closer. But he loves Los Angeles so I'm happy for him.
I'm excited because I'm not suicidally depressed anymore, so I can actually accomplish my goals :)

I'm feeling a lot better. The funeral was last night, it really helped me feel a lot more at peace with everything. Johnny is being cremated, so he won't have a gravesite...that'll feel kinda weird honestly, but I know it's the family's choice so I will respect it. My brother has been doing really well which surprises me, but makes me feel very happy...I'd be doing so much worse than I am now if my brother was a wreck about losing his best friend. We all went out to this diner in Annapolis after the service, it was really nice, seeing all of these people who loved Johnny, eating food, laughing...it was what I really needed, honestly.

I woke up at noon (hah, yay two days a week I can sleep in!!) and my brother made me some cornbread pancakes :) they were >so< good, and much more filling than bisquick pancakes...I ate three medium sized ones, and I'm STUFFED. I'm also sipping on some coffee. I might eat some carrots later but that's about all I have planned. I'm looking forward to losing weight :) :)

One of my childhood friends died. He also went to my college. We studied for Spring finals together...and he was my brother's first/best friend.

I'm a total wreck.

I didn't eat at all yesterday, then I got stoned and ate a ton of food and passed out on the couch. I ate like a cup of macaroni and cheese earlier, but I don't want to eat anything else today.

My brother hasn't come out of his room since he got home at like, midnight.

I'm really beside myself with grief. I feel directionless. I don't know where to go from here.

I also feel more motivated to be a better person. Johnny was so...full of life, and outgoing. He was always the life of the party anywhere he went. I want to be a better person because of him. I'm going to miss you Johnny B, you were my favorite ginger, no doubt about it :)